Liverpool Tales from the Mersey Mouth - A book by John Williams

"This is a wonderful collection of writings by John Williams. While it isn't specifically about the Beatles, they are clearly a part of the story, along with the very fiber and fabric of the city that influenced him and them as well. The pieces are short, well written and filled with a delicious sense of humor that shines in the titles as well as the essays." Jan Perry, Cincinnati Post
"John Williams writes in the language of Liverpool, a Scouse scribe who brings to life the people and places, inner thoughts and outer images, the vigour and vitality and essentially, the iron humour of a unique city." Bill Harry, founder of Mersey Beat

Liverpool Stories

The stories on this site are not included in my book.

The tales are snapshots of my life in Liverpool, the home of the Beatles, and the echo chamber of the Mersey Sound that in the sixties resonated around the planet like an acoustic Tsunami. The stories cover a period of 50 odd years and so they touch on every aspect of my life from the rites of passage to the passing of youth. I hope you enjoy them.

Coining it in Liverpool - Life on the edge

gas.jpgBy John Williams

A group of eminent archaeologists were recently summoned to Liverpool to try and solve the mystery of the Huyton Stones. For those who have no knowledge of such stones let me point out that they were only recently unearthed when the remains of some recently demolished pre-war council houses were removed to make way for the foundations of a new development of Barrat Homes.

The stones, oblong shaped sandstone blocks about the size of a pillow, created a stir in the dusty world of archeology as they bore hitherto unknown man made marks which some anthropologists argued represented a new language form. As I had a friend in the archeology department of Liverpool University I was allowed access to the sacred stones, which had been temporarily stored in the deep freeze of a butcher in Wavertree.

When I saw the fur coated and legginged scientists poring over sandstone slabs that were scored by deep indentations that crossed at various points like the sand drawings in the Nazca desert, I almost burst out laughing, but, for the sake of my friend, Danielle, AKA Dusty Trowel, the queen of the digs, I kept my feelings to myself.

As I overheard the learned assembly discuss the similarities of the strange markings to early Etruscan and cuniform scripts I wanted to scream that they were making a huge mistake, on a par with Sir Hugh Trevor-Roper's embarrassing endorsement of the phoney diaries of Adolf Hitler, or the debacle of the Piltdown Man. However, for once in my life I was able to keep schtum and avoid the fate of so many messengers who brought bad news.

You see, as soon as I saw the deep cuts and scratches in the lozenge shaped sandstone I was transported back to my 1950's childhood and my involvement in an activity that was, in earlier times, considered to be treasonous and which carried the death penalty.

Of course, I didn't know anything of that as I toiled away, scraping the edge of a halfpenny across the roughened surface of the sandstone step at the kitchen door, in an attempt to remove enough of the copper to make the coin smaller and so pass for a silver shilling, which was the denomination required to enable people to buy enough fuel from the pre-paid gas meter to ensure that roast potatoes were actually roasted and not merely singed.

Such criminal activities, while no longer carrying the death penalty, had their shameful consequences nonetheless. I can still see the sneering look of distaste on one man's face as he emptied the gas meter, and he was just a petty thief! The real gas-meter man was far more diplomatic, and so his face was usually expressionless as he sorted out the coins. His only concession to officialdom was to scrupulously make separate piles of shillings, clipped halfpennies and Pesetas.

The meter man never did give us the clipped coins back and I often wished that the job had been done by a woman who would surely have sympathised, thus ensuring that I had seg free fingers for years!

"Lovely Rita, meter maid..."

I make this one plea. Don't tell the archeologists. Let's keep it our secret!

Around 1760, many gangs were involved in the production of counterfeit coins. The gangs paid a high price for a good genuine gold or silver coin, then clipped the edges some reports say that up to 40 penny-worth of gold was removed from a coin and finally produced a new edge before returning the coin into circulation. The resultant shavings were melted down to make copies of French Louis d'ors, Portuguese moidores, Spanish pistoles and other foreign gold coins which were legal tender and were widely circulated in England at that time. Many of these 'coiners' were hung for their pains. Thank God for the mercies of the Welfare State!

Everybody is at it it seems, even our rich trans Atlantic cousins! MISSISSIPPI CODE OF 1972 As Amended SEC. 21-27-9. Testing of water, electric and gas meters; authority to prosecute persons for tampering with meters. If, upon complaint of any citizen or citizens interested, the governing authorities of any municipality find that there is reasonable ground for believing that any meter or meters intended to measure or register the quantity of water, electric light or power, or gas supplied or furnished by any individual, company or corporation to the municipality or its inhabitants is or are measuring or registering incorrectly or excessively or is or are of a less candle power or degree of brilliancy than required by contract, such governing authorities may employ an expert, who shall examine and test said meter or meters, or said light or lights, as the case may be, and report back to said governing authorities, notice of the time and place of the proposed test or tests being first given to all parties interested. If such examination or test shall show the fact that said meter or meters measure or register incorrectly or excessively, or that said light or lights are of a less candle power or brilliancy than required by contract, then all expenses of such examination and test incurred by said municipal governing authorities shall be charged against and collected back from said individual, company or corporation supplying or furnishing such water, electric light or power, or gas, as the case may be, and such penalties may be imposed as the municipal ordinances may provide.

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